情感专家：婚姻走到尽头的四个征兆 4 signs your marriage is heading towards divorce, according to a relationship therapist
Bill Gates and Melinda Gates listen as former US President Barack Obama (not pictured) speaks at the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation Goalkeepers event in Manhattan, New York, US, September 20, 2017. REUTERS/Elizabeth Shafiroff
Bill and Melinda Gates announced they are filing for divorce, ending their 27-year marriage via Twitter on May 3. Melinda Gates said the marriage was ‘irretrievably broken’ in their divorce filings.
Imani Wilform, a relationship therapist, said divorce is the last option for many people, but if the relationship feels irreparable after numerous attempts to fix it, it might be time to call it quits.
‘After attempting everything possible to get back to a healthy and loving space, if there is a lack of intimacy and a complete lack of vulnerability from both sides, the door sadly begins to close,’ Wilform said.
You aren’t intimate with them anymore
It’s completely normal for a couple’s sex life to wax and wane over the span of their marriage. However, if it dies completely, Wilform said this could be a sign the relationship is on the decline.
If there is no more intimacy between you and your spouse, it could point to underlying problems such as a lack of interest in your partner, a lack of trust, or disdain.
You’ve lost trust in your partner and can’t rebuild it
Trust is the foundation of a strong relationship, so if you find yourself doubting your partner and suspecting them of lying, this should be cause for concern.
Wilform said if you find yourself unable to trust your partner even after trying to re-build the connection, signs could be pointing towards a divorce – especially if you’ve caught your partner cheating or lying in another way, according to Wilform.
‘[You should be worried] if you find yourself losing trust in what the other person says, such as who they’re talking to or who they might be going to see,’ Wilform said. ‘Especially if you have caught them being dishonest.’
Microsoft technology advisor Bill Gates and his wife Melinda leave on the second day of the Allen and Co. media conference in Sun Valley, Idaho July 10, 2014. Media and technology CEOs and investors get together every year at the Allen & Co conference in Sun Valley for a week of mingling and deal-making at the upscale Idaho mountain resort. REUTERS/Rick Wilking
You’ve stopped arguing and trying to work through problems
While excessive fighting could be a major sign it’s time for divorce, no fighting at all could also be cause for concern, according to Wilform.
Wilform said once you and your partner stop trying to work through your issues together and instead become apathetic, it indicates a lack of investment in the relationship.
‘A complete lack of communication or disinterest in working out conflict [is a bad sign],’ Wilform said.
You don’t consider your partner within your list of priorities
Life as a married adult can come with a plethora of responsibilities, from kids to bills to work. If your spouse isn’t on your list of priorities, the marriage isn’t either, Wilform says.
plethora [ˈpleθərə]: n. 过多；过剩
She said, if ‘you find yourself always thinking about ‘I’ and not about ‘we,” this is a good indication your spouse doesn’t hold a place of importance in your everyday life.